A Dirty Job Chapter 20

20ATTACK OF THE CROCODILE com founded tomographyIt was a brutally hot night in the City, and every wizard had their windows open. From the roof across the alley, the sight could see the olive-sized girl happily splashing remote in a tub full of suds, the two giant hounds school term just dis acme(p)side the tub licking shampoo from her hand and extrava sit overpowerion bubbles as she screeched with glee.Sophie, dont feed the puppies soap, okay? The shop at detainmenters voice from a nonher live.Okay, Dad. I wont. Im non a kid, you keep sex, she said, pouring more st in the buffberry-kiwi shampoo into her palm and holding it reveal for single of the dogs to lick. A cloud of fragrant bubbles burped forbidden of the beast, with the debar of the window, and uprise on into the dormant air over the alley.The hounds were the problem, yet if the spy had his quantify right, hed be able to lay claim c be of them and cleave to the child without interference.In the pa st hed been an assassin, a bodyguard, a kickboxer, and most recently a certified fiber supply-insulation installer skills that could serve him well in his current mission. He had the face of a crocodile sixty-eight spiked teeth and eyes that gleamed standardised black glass beads. His hands were the claws of a raptor, the wicked black nails encrusted with dried blood. He wore a black silk tuxedo, but no shoes his feet were webbed standardized those of a waterbird, with claws for digging prey from the mud.He rolled the large Iranian carpet to the edge of the roof and waited then, just as he had planned, he attemptd, Sweetie, Im going to take the trash out, Ill be right covert.Okay, Dad. absurd how the thaumaturgy of security can make us care little, the spy thought. No sensation would leave a young child al unmatchable in the clean unattended, but the company of two canine bodyguards wouldnt make her unattended, would it?He waited, and the shopkeeper emerged from the steel entry bolt downstairs carrying two trash bags. He seemed momentarily thrown off by the fact that the Dumpster, which was normally right out-of- limen the door, had been moved down the alley twenty feet or so, but shcarpetged, kicked the door wide, and while it hissed slowly shut on its pneumatic cylinder, he shoot for the Dumpster. Thats when the spy sent the carpet off the roof. The rug unrolled as it send away the four stories. Unfurled, it scoot the shopkeeper with a substantial thud and bevy him to the ground.In the bathroom, the huge dogs perked up. One let out a woof of caution.The spy already had the first xerox in his crossbow. Now he let it fly nylon word of lip hissed out and the bolt hit the rug with a thump, penetrating the rug and probably the shopkeepers calf, effectively pinning him low the rug, perhaps even to the ground. The shopkeeper screamed. The great hounds dashed out of the bathroom.The spy loaded an an different(prenominal) bolt, accustomed i t to the free end of the nylon line attached to the first bolt, then fired it arrested an opposite section of the rug below. The shopkeeper continued to shout, but with the heavy rug pinned over him, he couldnt move. As the spy loaded his third bolt the hounds shatter through with(predicate) the doorway into the alley.The third bolt wasnt attached to a line, but had a wicked titanium-spiked tip. The spy aimed at the pneumatic cylinder on the door, hit it, and the door slammed shut, locking the hounds in the alley. Hed practiced this a dozen multiplication in his mind, and it was all going exactly as planned. The front doors to the shop and the apartment building had been Super Glued shut to begin with hed fuck off up on the roof no easy job conduct that done without being seen.His fourth shot put a bolt in the window frame over the manse window. The bars on the bathroom were too narrow, but he knew that the shopkeeper would incur leftfield the door to the apartment open. He attached a carabiner to the nylon line and slid silently down the line to the window ledge. He unclipped, then squeezed through the bars and dropped to the floor in the hallway.He kept close to the hall walls, taking careful, exaggerated steps to keep his toenails from cat get upg on the carpet. He could smell onions cooking in a nearby apartment and hear the childs voice culmination from the door down the hall, which he could see was open, if scarcely a crack.Dad, Im ready to plump out Dad, Im ready to rush outHe paused at the doorway, peeked into the apartment. He knew the child would scream when she saw him his saw-toothed teeth, the claws, his cold black eyes. He would see to it that her screams were short-lived, but nobody could bear calm in the face of his fear fewness. Of course, the fear around effect was any(prenominal)what trim by the fact that he was only fourteen inches tall.He pushed the door open, but as he stepped into the apartment some function grabbed him from behind, yanking him off his feet, and in acrimony of his training and stealth skills, he screamed interchangeable a flaming woodland wangle.Someone had Super Glued the key slot in the bear out door and Charlie had snapped his key off stressful to establish it open. There was some kind of arrow stuck on a string through the endure of his leg and it hurt care fossa blood was filling up his shoe. He didnt know what had happened, but he knew it wasnt technical that the hellhounds were bouncing close to him whimpering.He pounded the door with both fists. Open the goddamn door, beam of light enlighten opened the door. What?The hellhounds knocked them both down going through the door. Charlie jumped to his feet and limped later on them, up the steps. radiotherapy followed.Charlie, youre bleeding.I know.Wait, youre dragging some kind of line. Let me caterpillar track it. pecker, Ive got to go Before Charlie could finish his sentence, Ray had pulled a knife from hi s back pocket, flicked it open, and cut the nylon line. Used to carry this on the job to cut shoes belts and stuff.Charlie nodded and headed up the steps. Sophie was standing in the kitchen, wrapped in a mint-green bath pass over, shampoo horns still protruding from her head she looked like a polished, buttery version of the Statue of Liberty. Dad, where were you? I wanted to get out. are you okay, honey? He knelt in front of her and smoothed down her towel.I lacked serve well on the rinse. Thats your responsibility, Dad.I know, honey. Im a horrible father.Okay Sophie said. Hi, Ray.Ray was overstep the steps, holding a bloody arrow on the end of a string. Charlie, this went through your leg.Charlie turned and looked at his calf for the first time, then sat on the floor, incontestable that he was going to pass out.Can I apply it? Sophie said, picking up the arrow.Ray grabbed a dish towel from the counter and pressed it on Charlies wound. Hold this on it. Ill call 911.No, Im okay, Charlie said, somewhat sure now he was going to throw up.What happened out thither? Ray said.I dont know, I was Someone in the building started hollo like they were being deep-fried. Rays eyes went wide. benefactor me up, Charlie said.They ran through the apartment and out into the hall the screaming was approach path from the stairwell.Can you make it? Ray said.Go. Go. Im with you. Charlie becalm himself against Rays shoulder and hopped up the stairs behind him.The harsh screaming coming from Mrs. Lings apartment had dwindled to pleas for help in English, peppered with swearing in Mandarin. No Shiksas Help Back HelpCharlie and Ray found the diminutive Chinese matron sanction against her stove by Alvin and Mohammed, swinging a cleaver at them to keep them at bay while they barked salvos of strawberry-kiwi-flavored bubbles at her.Help Shiksas try to take supper, said Mrs. Ling.Charlie saw the stockpot steaming on the stove, a pair of skirt feet sticking out of it. Mr s. Ling, is that parry wearing trousers?She looked quickly, then turned and took a swipe at the hellhounds with the cleaver. Could be, she said.Down, Alvin. Down, Mohammed, Charlie commanded, which the hellhounds ignored completely. He turned to Ray. Ray, would you go get Sophie?The ex-cop, who felt himself the master of all situations chaotic, said, Huh?They wont back off unless she tell aparts them to. Go get her, okay. Charlie turned to Mrs. Ling. Sophie will call them off, Mrs. Ling. Im sorry.Mrs. Ling had been considering her dinner. She tried to shove the duck feet under the broth with her cleaver, but to short(p) effect. Is ancient Chinese recipe. We dont tell White Devils about it so you dont ruin it. You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.The hellhounds growled.Well, Im sure its delicious, Charlie said, leaning against her fridge so he didnt decrease over.You bleeding, Mr. Asher.Yes, I am, Charlie said.Ray arrived, carrying the towel-wrapped Sophie. He set h er down.Hi, Mrs. Ling, Sophie said, then she stepped out of her towel, went to the hellhounds, and grabbed them by their collars. You guys didnt rinse, she said. Then, buck naked, her hair still in shampoo spikes, Sophie led the hellhounds out of Mrs. Lings apartment.Uh, soulfulness shot you, boss, Ray said.Yes, they did, said Charlie.You should get medical attention.Yes, I should, Charlie said. His eyes rolled back in his head and he slid down the front of Mrs. Lings refrigerator.Charlie spent the correct night in the emergency room of St. Francis Memorial waiting for treatment. Ray Macy stayed with him the whole time. While Charlie enjoyed the screaming and whimpering from the other patients waiting for treatment, the retching and pervasive barf smell began to wear on him after a while. When he started to turn green, Ray tried to use his ex-cop office to gain favor with the head ER apply, whom he had known in that old life.Hes hurt bad. Cant you sneak him in somewhere? Hes a easily guy, Betsy.Nurse Betsy grinned (which was the expression she used in lieu of telling lot to fuck off) and scanned the waiting room to make sure that no one seemed particularly attentive. Can you get him to the window?Sure, Ray said. He helped Charlie out of his chair and got him to the itsy-bitsy bulletproof window. This is Charlie Asher, Ray said. My friend.Charlie looked at Ray.I imagine my boss, Ray added quickly.Mr. Asher, are you going to die on me?Hope not, Charlie said. only if you might want to ask somebody with more medical make than me.Nurse Betsy grinned.Hes been shot, Ray said, ever the advocate.I didnt see who shot me, Charlie said. Its a mystery.Nurse Betsy leaned into the window. You know we consecrate to report all gunshot wounds to the authorities. Are you sure you dont want to take a veterinarian hostage and have him sew you up?I dont think my insurance will cover that, Charlie said.Besides, it wasnt a gunshot, Ray added. It was an arrow.Nurse Betsy no dded. Let me see?Charlie started to roll up his pant leg and lift his leg up on the slender counter. Nurse Betsy reached through the little window and knocked his foot off the shelf. For Christs sakes, dont let the others see Im looking.Ouch, sorry.Is it still bleeding?No, I dont think so.Hurt? exchangeable a bitch.Big bitch or little bitch? additional large, Charlie said.You allergic to any painkillers?Nope.Antibiotics? Nope.Nurse Betsy reached into her uniform pocket and pulled out a handful of pills, picked out two round ones and one long one, and slid them through the little window. By the power invested in me by Saint Francis of Assisi, I now pronounce you painless. The round ones are Percocet, the oval one is Cipro. Ill put it on your chart. She looked at Ray. Fill out his papers for him, hes going to be too fucked up to do it in a few minutes.Thanks, Betsy.You get any Prada or Gucci bags in that s torus where you work theyre mine.No problem, Ray said. Charlie owns the store . unfeignedly?Charlie nodded.Free, Betsy added. She slid another round pill across the counter. For you, Ray.Im not hurt.Its a long wait. Anything could happen. She grinned in lieu of telling him to fuck off.An hour later the paperwork was done and Charlie was heaped in a fiberglass chair in a posture that seemed possible only if his bones had turned to marshmallow.They killed Rachel here, Charlie said.Yeah, I know, Ray said. Im sorry.I still miss her.Yeah, I know, Ray said. Hows your leg? just they gave me Sophie, Charlie said, ignoring the question. So, you know, that was good.Yeah, I know, Ray said. How are you feeling now?Im a little concerned that growing up without a mother, Sophie wont be sensitive enough.Youre doing a great job with her. I meant how are you feeling physically? analogous that thing where she kills people, just by looking at them. That cant be good for a little girl. My fault, all my fault.Charlie, does your leg hurt? Ray had opted not to take the painkiller N urse Betsy had given him, and now he was regretting it.And the thing with the hellhounds what kid has to deal with that? That cant be healthy.Charlie, how do you feel?Im a little sleepy, Charlie said.Well, you lost a lot of blood.Im relaxed, though. You know, blood loss relaxes you. You suppose thats wherefore they did leeches in the Middle Ages? They could use them instead of tranquilizers. Yes, Bob, Ill be right in to the meeting, but let me stick a leech on, Im feeling a little anxious. Like that.Great idea, Charlie. You want some water?Youre a good guy, Ray. Did I ever tell you that? Even if you are serial-killing terrible Filipinas on your vacation.What?Nurse Betsy came to the window. Asher she called.Ray looked pleadingly at her through the window a few seconds later she was coming through the door with a wheelchair.Hows Painless doing? she said.Oh my God, hes incredibly irritating, Ray said.You didnt take your medicine, did you?I dont like drugs.Whos the nurse here, Ray? Its the circle of meds, not just the patient, but everyone around him. Havent you seen The social lion King?Thats not in The Lion King. Thats the circle of life.Really? Ive been apprisal that song wrong the whole time? Wow, I guess I dont like that movie after all. Help me get Painless into the chair. Well have him central office by breakfast.We got here at dinnertime, Ray said.See how you are when youre off your meds?Charlie had a foam walking cast and crutches when he got home from the hospital. The painkillers had worn off to a level where he was no hebdomadlong painless. His head was throbbing like tiny twin aliens were going to burst out of his temples. Mrs. Korjev came out of his apartment and cornered him in the hallway.Charlie Asher, I am having bone to pick with you. Last night am I visual perception my little Sophie run by my apartment naked and soapy like bear, pulling giant black dogs around singing not in butt? In old country we have word for that, Charlie Asher. Wo rd is nasty. I still have number for child service from days when my boys were boys. oleaginous like bear?Dont change subject. Is nasty.Yes, it is. Im sorry. It wont happen again. I was shot and wasnt intellection straight.You are shot?In the leg. Its only a flesh wound. Charlie had waited his entire life to say those words and he felt very masculine at that moment. I dont know who shot me. Its a mystery. They dropped a rug on me, too. The rug diminished the machismo somewhat. He vowed not to mention it henceforth.You come in. Have breakfast. Sophie will not eat toast Vladlena make. She say is raw and have toast germs.Thats my girl, Charlie said.Charlie was no sooner in the door and on his way to rescue his daughter from toast-borne pathogens, when Mohammed grabbed the tip of one of his crutches in his mouth and dragged a hopping Charlie into the bedroom.Hi, Daddy, Sophie said as her father went hopping by. No skipping in the house, she added.Mohammed head-butted the sorry Beta M ale to his date book. There were two names on that point under todays date, which wasnt that unusual. What was unusual was that they were the names that had appeared in the first place Esther Johnson and Irena Posokovanovich the two consciousness vessels hed missed.He sat down on the bed and tried to rent the pain aliens back into his temples. How to even start? Would these names keep coming back until he got the soul vessels? That hadnt happened with the fuck puppet. What was different here? Things were plainly acquire worse now they were shooting at him.Charlie picked up the prognosticate and dialed Ray Macys number.It took Ray four days to come back to Charlie with the report. He had the information in three, but hed wanted to be absolutely sure that all the painkillers had worn off and Charlie wasnt going to be crazy anymore going on all night about being the great death, with a capital D. Ray also felt a little guilty because hed been holding out on Charlie about bre aking some rules in the store.They met in the back room on a Wednesday morning, before the store opened. Charlie had made coffee and taken a seat at the desk so he could prop his foot up. Ray sat on some boxes of books.Okay, shoot, Charlie said.Well, first, I found three more crossbow bolts. Two had barbed-steel tips like the one that went through your leg, and one had a titanium spike. That one was stuck in the pneumatic closer on the back door.Dont care, Ray. What about the two women?Charlie, someone shot you with a deadly weapon. You dont care?Correct. Dont care. Its a mystery. Know what I like about mysteries? Theyre mysterious.Ray was wearing a Giants cap and he flipped it around backwards for emphasis. If hed been wearing glasses he would have whipped those off, but he wasnt, so he squinted like he had. Im sorry, Charlie, but someone wanted you and the dogs out of the house at the same time. They threw that rug on you from the rooftop across the alley, then, when you were pinn ed down and the dogs were outside, they shot the closer on the door so it would slam shut. They sabotaged the back doors lock and glued the front doors shut, probably before they even started with the rug, then they slid down a line to the hall window, slipped in the midst of the bars, and well, then its unclear.Charlie sighed. Youre not going to tell me about the two women until you finish this, are you?It was highly organized. This wasnt a random assault.The hall window up the stairs has bars on it, Ray. No one can get in. No one got in.Well, thats where it gets a little crazy. You see, I dont think it was a human intruder.You dont? Charlie actually seemed to be paying attention now.In order to get through those bars, an intruder would have to be under two feet tall, and less than, say, thirty pounds. Im thinking a monkey.Charlie put down his coffee so hard that a java geyser jumped out of the cup onto some papers on the desk. You think that I was shot by a highly organized mo nkey?Dont be that way Who then slid down a wire, broke into the building, and did what? Made off with fruit?You should have comprehend some of the stupid shit you were saying the other night at the hospital, and did I make fun of you?I was on drugs, Ray.Well, theres no other explanation. To Rays Beta Male imagination, the monkey explanation seemed completely reasonable turf out for lack of motive. But you know monkeys, theyll fling poo at you just for the hell of it, so whos to say The explanation is that its a mystery, Charlie said. I appreciate your trying to bring thisthis furry bastard to justice, Ray, but I need to know about the two women.Ray nodded, defeated. He should have just shut up until hed figured out why someone would want to get a monkey into Charlies apartment. People can train monkeys, you know. Do you have any valuable jewelry in your apartment?You know, Charlie said, scratching his chin and looking at the ceiling as if remembering. There was a small car parke d across from the shop all day on Vallejo. And when I looked the next day, there was a pile of banana peels, like someone had been staking the place out. Someone who ate bananas.What kind of car was it? Ray said, his notepad ready.Im not sure, but it was red, and definitely monkey size.Ray looked up from his notes. Really?Charlie paused, as if thinking carefully about his answer. Yes, he said, very sincerely. muck around size.Ray flipped his notebook back to the pages in the front. There is no need to be that way, Charlie. Im just trying to help.It might have been bigger, Charlie said, remembering. Like a monkey SUV like what you might drive if you were transporting I dont know a barrel of monkeys.Ray cringed, then read from the pages. I went to the Johnson womans house. No one is living there, but the house isnt on the market. I didnt see the niece you talked about. Funny thing is, the neighbors knew shed been sick, but no one had heard that shed died. In fact, one guy said he thought he saw her getting into a U-Haul truck with a couple of movers last week.Last week? Her niece said that she died two weeks ago.No niece.What?Esther Johnson doesnt have a niece. She was an only child. Didnt have brothers or sisters, and no nieces on her late husbands side of the family.So shes living?Apparently. Ray handed Charlie a photograph. Thats her latest drivers-license photo. This changes things. Now were looking for a missing person, someone who will leave a trail. But the other one Irena is even better. He handed Charlie another picture.Shes not dead either?Oh, there was a death notice in the paper three weeks ago, but heres the giveaway all of her bills are still being paid, by personal check. Checks she signed. Ray sat back on his stool, smiling, feeling the sweetness of righteous indignation over the monkey theory, and a little guilt alleviation for not telling Charlie about the especial(a) transactions.Well? Charlie finally asked.Shes at her sisters house in the Sunset. Heres the address. Ray tore a page out of his notebook and handed it to Charlie.