Tribute to Matt Stone :: Comedy Scripts Comedians Essays

Tribute to Matt StoneEpisode 201 - Not Without My Anus Icons provided by Christopher Pirillo at bonny South of South Park AdvertFXApplet provided by closed book Sid South Park AnnouncerSince the last South Park youve waited four tenacious weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartmans personal line of credit will not be seen tonight so we can film you the following special presentation.HonkHBC AnnouncerNow, get ready for Canadas hottest action stars. Terrance and Phillip in the HBC picture of the Week, Not Without My Anus, based on a true story.Canadian Courthouse - 1018 A.M.ScottLadies and gentlemen, before you today sits a murderer. On the night in question, this fanatic entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey ODwyer, and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. That monster is session right over there, and his name is Terrance.Dramatic MusicFartPhillipUh, Terrance, you farted in court.TerranceYes Phillip, Im making a grammatical case for our defense.LaughterScottAll of these things link Terrance to the murder hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirtTerrance looks about confused.ScottA watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey ODwyer. Dr. ODwyer, prison term to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer. Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but youre not God. Je accuse Terrance.TerranceWould you like a scamp claw Phillip?PhillipYes please.FartLaughterTerranceThats called the monkey claw cause it feels like my colon is organism ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.PhillipThe monkey claw is smelly.The try hammers her gavel.JudgeCome on, get a move-on, I aint getting a younger up here.PhillipMy sentiments exactly Your Honor. I see from your accent that youre gray Canadian.JudgeThat is correct.PhillipGood people of the dialog box, my node Terrance is an innocent man.FartTerranceOh ho, Phillip, now you farted during the gag law argument.PhillipI have, havent I Terrance.FartLaughterScottYour Honor, the defense is trying to make a satire of this court. They think farts are funny, but theyre not.JudgeSustained.PhillipGood people of the jury, my client Terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. He loves puppies and hates stringent things. Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this?Phillip shows the jury of Terrance with a llama.PhillipOf course not. So, in summation, find Terrance innocent, or else hell kill you.GaspLaughterPhillipJust kidding. The defense rests.Terrance pounds his fist on the table as he laughs uncontrollably.